#thereisalotgoingon

July 7, 2019

#thereisalotgoingon

Yep.

Biggest picture available:  probably not much has changed with the universe imploding in a few billion years.

Yeah. That's stable.

On our planet Orangutans and Polar Bears are going extinct.

Extinct from human behaviors and, as my son Jacques would say, how is that not profoundly, unconscionably, upsetting to more people?

It's not... I guess because even the prospect of more massive and more disastrous climate change hurling towards humans seems less urgent for now than the next bill, TV show, vacation, health crisis, body gains or pair of shoes.

There are many papers about how we weigh risk as a species: we are not very good at big picture weighing despite islands of ok-ness.

Denial, fear of fear, fear, ignorance, arrogance, bigotry, misplaced faith, selfishness, tunnel visions: rogue gallery of human brains' less attractive products in full bloom and 100% in the way of heeding the screeching sound of the alarm.

In this country, the President thinks there were airports a few hundred years ago and, a congruent detail I suppose, that TSA was in place back then too. The US Constitution is great but not great enough to anticipate it needed to imagine and configure all the stop signs on the way to the cliff.

I think the Constitution writers may have made common sense assumptions. You know, like Emperor has no clothes common-sense.

At work, we just graduated wonderful fellows and are welcoming new ones. We are opening a new inpatient unit, on-boarding new faculty, inaugurating new didactics, dealing with changes all around.

I know. Not a big deal compared to climate change, structural racism, the growing refugee crisis or the aeronautic beliefs of the leader of the country or the dismissal by too many that such beliefs are truly concerning.

 It's a busy time though.

At home, Jacques is moving back. We are remodeling our bathrooms which is bad for my nervous system and my executive functioning (where did I put my toothbrush again?)

Jim, my husband and father of our three sons, is more or less leaving St. Louis for good today.  This is making me anxious in twelve different conscious ways, and probably many more that are just registering physiologically. I have not been in top form in the gym in the last couple weeks. I get tired easily with big lifts. I am far less perky on the days when I back to back cardio and then strength train.

The biggest anxiety that is conscious? The unknown of the situation.

The part of me that likes challenges and adventure is jumping up and down at the opportunity of a new chapter in our lives and the growth that it can engender.

My reptilian brain is in catastrophic mode. Dinosaur realizing the meteorite is about to hit mode.

I'm not very good at dealing with my reptilian brain right now. I'll start compassionately: look, I know you are old. You've been on earth for over 350 million years, which is young compared to the universe but still, that's a lot of continuity/set in your waysness/time honored reactions. 

Then, because I'm a "little" dysregulated from all the changes, I, contaminated by my inner-dinosaur, get annoyed at myself: stop it, abject fear makes humans destroy themselves with fear fueling into evil. I don't like you.

Aye  Caramba...

We're good at symbolism in the family so we've been watching Chernobyl, a story full of reptilian brain stuff wreaking havoc and some amazing human brains at their best cleaning up at great cost.

#goals: be a decent human and nicer to my inner snake which only gets worse when I reject it.

I'm gonna go for channeling Littlefoot.